Bisma Farooq Sheikh
Our society is facing various ills and one of the greatest perils it is facing is the trend of late marriages. Hundreds and thousands of young male and female bachelors have crossed the age of 30s and they are not getting a mate or they are not ready for marriage yet. Why because we, so-called people of modern society have set Unrealistic rather nonsense parameters for selecting a life partner. Everyone has a right to choose his or her partner based on his/her best interests so that he/she can be satisfied and live a happy married life. No one can deny this, but our society has made marriage very complicated because of irrational terms and conditions.
There are thousands of marriageable age girls from low-income families whose parents long to get them wed locked. Their low socioeconomic status becomes a cause of their rejection or they delay because they can’t afford to marry at par with societal customs. They can’t afford to give their daughters a huge amount of gold and they can’t afford a prestigious wedding ceremony. Nikah has become too complicated due to extravagant marriages. Everyone is in a mad race.
How Males Are Responsible For Late Marriage
Some want money maker wife: There are a lot many educated bachelors who cross the late thirties but they don’t settle down because they want a wife who is govt employee and having a gazetted grade. It is my question to such gentlemen; whether they want a wife or a money maker?
Some want Beauty queen: Some of the gentlemen reject girls because they set beauty as a parameter. They want glamorous spouses. They have objection in marrying simple modest girls: some gentlemen call pardah and modest girls conservative, orthodox. Some want cool western type girls. No doubt everyone wishes that his/her spouse should be good looking but beauty is not the best criterion to select a partner. A wife with a beautiful face may soothe eyes but a wife with good character and etiquette would soothe heart. She will enlighten one’s world and hereafter. A beautiful face can never neutralise a weakness in character but a good character can neutralise weakness in beauty.
Some want a wife that should be a single born: Many gentlemen have objection in marrying a girl with siblings. They want to marry single born because they have a notion that if they marry a girl with many siblings, they won’t get much dowry and enough share in the property. They have an objection in marrying a girl from a joint family because they believe they may not get coveted treatment.
Some want a wife from posh locality: some want to marry in high profile society. They want their in-laws to have a great bungalow and they want to marry in a posh locality.
How Females Are Responsible For Late Marriage
‘I should get settled Ist’: Many girls didn’t marry till late thirties as they want they should get their dream job Ist. No doubt every girl has the right to pursue a career of interest and make her own identity but that shouldn’t be the cause for delaying marriage.
‘I will marry a Govt employee only’: Many girls are firm on the stance that they will marry a Govt employee with a great position only. No doubt a man should have financial security. He should be financially independent. Does that mean men who are not Govt employees have no right to marry?
Some want to marry a man who is a lone son: Some girls or their parents want them to marry a person who is the lone heir; who don’t have any sibling; so that their daughter can rule there and don’t have to maintain relations with brother or sister in law. Family is the greatest blessing. When we don’t have any objection with our siblings; why someone’s siblings seem a burden to us?
Let me share my life experience. There was a middle class – a well-educated girl who didn’t get a mate for marriage for five years. To the great surprise the reason she was being rejected and dejected was not lack of beauty or moral character but the reason was she was not having a Govt job, she was a daughter of someone who had five daughters & no son & above all she was rejected because she was from a joint family.
What if a girl doesn’t have a Govt job? Does a man need a wife or a money machine? What if someone has three, four or five daughters? It is the father alone who has to take their responsibilities, no one else has to take care of them .what if someone doesn’t have a son; it is a thing about which nothing can be done.
Our society is flooded with such mean & greedy people. They have a notion that if they marry a girl with many siblings or a girl from low-income families, they won’t get much dowry and enough share in the property. In my opinion, such people should ponder over their thinking and ideology and ask themselves, if they would be parents of a daughter would they still be holding this notion?
The menaces of late marriages have grave consequences which we overlook. It leads to infertility and various prenatal complications. Children of late married couples are more likely to be born with a disability. Nikah is a way to protect social and moral values. Besides, it adds to blessings and saves one from depression and loneliness. The value of a person is judged by his/her mentality rather than by his/her status .so update your thinking rather than updating your lifestyle. Dear parents! Marry your daughters with those who will give them a peaceful life, not with those who will give them monetary things only. If you marry a daughter with a man of character he will afford all luxuries later. And dear men, chose a woman of character don’t set beauty or status as a parameter. As a result of these irrational parameters; young males and females cross marriageable age and finally get settled where they were destined to be.
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