Dr. Shahnaz Samantara
“I will never know
How you felt
How your face broke into tears
How you keep looking out of the window
I will never know
My nights and days
are only about you
I can’t see anything, anymore
This evening will be sad
They will declare me a body
My body burning
the fever has reached my soul
but I am burning for you dear one
You so cool and fragrant like the jasmine you grow
You would be on your prayer mat
Sobbing
Frightened
Lonely
I have to surrender, sweetheart
Death is here
I am no longer warm
I need you
Don’t wait outside
It is here
that my life is turning cold
Why did it have to be this way
The walls are closing in
No time left, dear one
to breathe in your arms
She is old and forgets things she will look for me
Don’t tell her I am gone
Forever
She might die.
My heart beating madly in my chest
Like the wind on the window pane
There is nobody here
Now everything has stopped.
Now I see you at the window, take me.
I will disappear into the universe
You remember
How I told you, once
See, this is the body
I am not there
The orange sunset
A long time later
The moon travelled the sky
And I was suddenly, swiftly out there
The rain lashing all night on the window pane
Under my eyelids
your pretty face, all night
I knew there will be no morning for you and I
The little one is choking
With all those tubes and machines
Bring her mother in
She needs to be breast fed and put to rest
Solitary
I am taking the last breath of air into my lungs
The last whiff of the world
My life
Our life
Could dying be that easy
There is no one here
distant Azaan in the breeze
I have no strength for a prayer
Just a desire
The short verses reflect the moments of those COVID 19 patients who were confined and could not be with their family, towards the end… It is a tribute to their lives and also a beautiful reminder for those left behind.
Dr Shahnaz is a guest faculty in IIT, Delhi, and had also taught English and Sign language in JNU.
